3 Steps to Find Your “Why” in Your Relationship

It used to be so simple-the first days and weeks of love fill you with so much joy and passion. Every moment had positive energy all its own.

But then life got in the way.

As the relationship settled into something more permanent, the day-to-day routine took the place of passion. What happened? When did the center of your universe and your reason for being become something else entirely?

First of all, the problem isn’t necessarily with them or even you. It’s in making the other person your “Why.” When you put another human being as your driving force, it’s easy to lose momentum. People can’t live for long on this kind of pedestal before they remind you they’re human. Relationships are messy, and people make mistakes. It just doesn’t work.

So, what next? Why not try building a “Why” with your partner, honoring the relationship, that gives you both room to grow? Not a joint “Why” because you’re both still very individual and unique, but instead work together to create a mission statement that works for each of you. Try these steps:

Start with the Basics
Why are you together? Chances are you’re there because of love. Also, there’s a component that has to do with companionship. This can be a pretty good basis for your “Why.” So, start here, by making this statement: “I am with _________ because ________. Feel free to word this in whatever feels right to you.

Now Look at Why You’re Together
This particular “Why” is doomed to failure if you make it all about yourself. Start wondering why they’re with you. Spend time talking about this, as it’s important to dig down into the relationship a little. What can you offer them? Your next sentence might look like this: “I offer them _____________.” Again, customize to fit your situation.

Why Does It Matter?
What do your unique gifts allow your partner to do? Think back about what you offer them, consider how that benefits them or you as a couple. Your next sentence may look like “…which allows them to_____________.”

When you put it all together, you have a mission statement that will become the backbone of your relationship “Why.”

Try this example to help you see what an actual statement might look like:

“I am with my soulmate because I love them. I offer them laughter, joy, and companionship, which allows them to realize they are always accepted, that this is their safe place, where they will never feel alone.”

Got the idea?

Now try your statements. Take your time and enjoy the project, remembering how much closer you’ll be in the end.